Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
