Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
