covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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