bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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