I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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