I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i will never coherently bang her
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
