just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
