dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
