Yo dont text me then not text me
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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