she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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