We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
