There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
