Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
