Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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