My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
