I seem to have left my pride at pride
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
