He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
