I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
