Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
