Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
