Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
