i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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