here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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