Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
