sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
