I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
