So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
