Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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