this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
