Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
