My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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