Say something about gay babies.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
