so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
