I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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