the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
