Plan B is the new Plan A
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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