How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
