So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
