eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
