My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
