sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
