So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
