I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
