I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
