So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
