Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
