I wish I only lived at night.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
