i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
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