He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
