I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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