He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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